The Buddha commented: (From "Old Path White Clouds" )
"To overcome desire, practice the contemplation on a corpse,
looking deeply at the nine stages of the body's decay from the time the
breathing ceases to the time the bones turn to dust. To overcome anger and
hatred, practice the contemplation on compassion. It illuminates the causes of
anger and hatred in our own minds and in the minds of those who have
precipitated it. To overcome craving, practice the contemplation on
impermanence, illuminating the birth and death of all things. To overcome
confusion and dispersion, practice the contemplation on the full awareness of
breathing." If you regularly practice these four contemplations, you will
attain liberation and enlightenment."
What the world looks
like to us, mainly depends on our own understanding, labels, prejudices, habits
and exaggerations.
Emotions become problems if we forget to use our analytical mind when
emotions "overwhelm" us. It can be extremely helpful to either take a few
minutes to yourself (you can even escape to the toilet if there is no other
way...), or review it before going to bed in the evening or early next morning.
Obviously, a proper meditation session can really create clarity and we can
learn how to gradually learn more about ourselves. Trying to see the actual
reality with the help of meditation, can gradually make us more flexible, less
tight and happier.
One of the few poems I really love, is called "Autobiography in five
chapters" from Portia Nelson:
1) I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the
sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost...I am hopeless. It isn't my
fault. It takes forever to find a way out.
2) I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe
I'm in the same place. But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long
time to get out.
3) I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there. I still fall in...it's a habit My eyes are
open; I know where I am; it is my fault. I get out immediately.
4) I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it.
Dealing with negative emotions or delusions when they are present is most
effective, but the situation does not always allow us to sit down and look
inwards. When everything fails during the actual situation; learn from your
mistakes by "sitting on them". One of the main things is to intensely try to
relive the situation again, usually the emotion will come up automatically.
Later, one can do an analytical meditation to find out where the emotion
comes from, whether it is valid and correct, or if we prefer to think and act
differently next time. As with all analytical meditations, do not accept your
first answer to any of the questions, but search for a second and third
underlying reasons. To the end of the analysis, try to make a brief summary
for yourself and make a very short conclusion: like: "no answer, need to do more
analysis" or: "I must learn to control my anger" - any conclusion is valid.
Next, try to take one or two minutes to intensely focus on your conclusion:
do not analyse it further, just "look at it". This will help to actually change
our mind and to make decisions.
The following steps are merely general guidelines, feel free to improvise,
but try to follow the general idea.
1. Sit relaxed with a straight back, breathe deeply a few times
and start breathing with the belly.
2. Set your motivation for the session, for example:
May all living beings be equanimous, free from attachment, anger and
prejudice. May all living beings be happy and have the causes for future
happiness. May all living beings be free from suffering and the causes for
suffering. May they never be separate from the ultimate happiness,
free from all suffering.
3. Concentrate on the tip of your nose, feel the breath going in
and out. At every out-breath count 1, and count from 1 to 10. When you come at
10, simply start at 1 again. Focus all attention on the tip of the nose and the
counting. (some 5 minutes)
4. Release the counting and the concentration on the tip of the
nose. 5. Try to relive the situation and bring up the emotion. 6. How do I
feel, how does my body feel? Tension? - breathe and relax, create space for a
solution or response. 7. Where do I feel this emotion, where does it come
from and where does it go? 8. Do I get stuck in mental circles, going over
the same thought over and over again? 9. How does the other person feel? Does
the other just want to be happy, like me? 10. Does emotional reaction
help? 11. Is it fair to put all the blame on the other person? 12. How
would I have reacted when being in the situation of the other? 13. Think
about the irony of being angry about feeling angry, guilty about feeling guilty,
afraid about feeling afraid. 14 . Am I often troubled by this emotion?
Recognising old emotional patterns is the first step to changing them. 15.
Learn to accept and befriend the confused or negative emotion: Smile to
yourself and admit: aah, anger! Ooh, fear! Yes, guilt... 16 . Practise to
change your emotional response: Facing anger; practise compassion, patience
and self-confidence Facing attachment: look at the disadvantages and
temporariness Facing uncertainty: forgive yourself for being human
Facing fear; practise relaxation and mentally give away whatever is
threatened to be taken Facing greed; practise gratitude for what you have
Facing jealousy; practise rejoicing in others' fortune Facing pride;
practise humility, equanimity and real self-confidence Facing guilt: act
instead of regret Facing other's pain: gather some courage and allow it to
tear your heart open! Have compassion for their suffering and frustrations. Also
have compassion for your own helplessness and frustrations. Facing others'
cruelty or rudeness: remember they can only act that way because they suffer
themselves. Facing any negative emotion by myself or others: the quicker I
can recognise my own negative emotional patterns, the better I will be able to
avoid these actions myself. 17. Take a few minutes to review the meditation
session so far, and try to reach a one line simple conclusion. 18. Now
concentrate very strongly on the conclusion without thinking about it, just
focus on your feelings. 19. Relax and dedicate the positive energy of the
session:
By the positive energy of this session: May all living beings be
equanimous, free from attachment, anger and prejudice. May all living
beings be happy and have the causes for future happiness. May all living
beings be free from suffering and the causes for suffering. May they
never be separate from the ultimate happiness, free from all
suffering.
