LEAF GATHERERS

$6.95 per set of two, plus shipping and handling from Deer Creek Products, 3038 NW 25th Ave., Pompano Beach, Fla. 33069, 954-978-0597. Allow 4-6 weeks for delivery.

If you're still using an old-fashioned rake to collect your leaves, we have exciting news for you: You're a moron.

We say this because now there's a brand-new way to pick up yard debris, which is to put on a pair of these huge plastic claws, which are the size of garbage-can lids. Now, instead of raking the lawn, you merely lean over and pick up the leaves! This means that, instead of spending hours on your lawn, within just a few minutes you'll be on your way to the hospital for emergency back surgery!

This item also has countless other uses for you or the discerning person on your holiday list. If you enjoy scratching yourself -- and who doesn't? -- you'll be able to cover WAY more surface area with this item, which is why it has been selected as the Official Hand Enhancer of Major League Baseball.

And you know how, when you're at a party, and there's a bowl of potato chips, you're able to grab only a handful at a time? How frustrating is THAT? But not any more! Now, in one grab, you can pick up the equivalent of a giant economy size bag of chips! You'll be the envy of the other guests! The results with fancy hors d'oeuvres are equally impressive. U.S. Secretary of State Madeleine Albright never attends a diplomatic reception without a pair of these babies firmly strapped on.