PUPPY UMBRELLA

$20 plus shipping and handling from J.C. Penney Catalog, Catalog Fulfillment Center, Atlanta, Ga. 30390, 800-222-6161, Internet: www.jcpenney.com

We deeply regret to report that, after we ordered and photographed the puppy umbrella, the product was discontinued. We decided to leave it in the gift guide anyway, because we sincerely wanted you, our readers, to know that we have one and you don't, neener neener.

Suggested by Tauba Ingenthron of St. Louis, Mo.

Here is a gift for the person on your list who has one of those small, irritating dogs that look like pieces of lint that have somehow learned to bark. As you probably know, small yappy dogs do NOT like to go out in the rain, so their owners often have to try to protect them with umbrellas. But umbrellas are stupidly designed to protect humans, which means that often the dog becomes, God forbid, wet.

But now, thanks to this amazing new umbrella concept, the dog-owner on your list can keep little Fifi as dry as a ''bone'' (ha ha!).

Unfortunately, it does NOT protect the owner, who will probably catch pneumonia and die. But that is a small price to pay for a small, irritating dog's personal comfort.

This umbrella would also work beautifully with other ''critters'' such as hamsters, chickens, snakes and children under one year. This item is also carried at all times by the personal chauffeur for Mr. Dustin Hoffman.