- On request of Nick Ribush and
Adele Hulse, directors of the Lama Yeshe Biography Project, I sent the
following letter (revised version):
LamaYeshe
Biography Project Attn. Adele
Hulse - Australia IRL-Portsalon, 29.7.1998
Dear Adele, ..I
love your idea for an extensive
biography on Lama Yeshe. That you are working already 7 years on it shows
how many facettes he had and what an outstanding and important personality
he was. Lama Yeshe was my first Tibetan teacher and it was love at first
sight or, to be accurate, at second sight. Already in 1972 somebody
brought me a photo of him, showing him giving teachings in one of those
Tibetan tents in Khopan/Nepal. I kept this photo beside my bed, because it
had such a special attraction to me. I never would have dreamt to meet
this Lama in person. And than came the great surprise. I couldn't believe
to hear that exact this Lama would come to Europe (Les Bayard,
Switzerland/Spring 1975 (74?)), to give together with Lama Zopa an 6 week
Lam Rim course. A.dream became reality. But this reality was not an easy
one! Sitting for more than 10 hours a day
cross-leged, having difficulties following his broken English, sleeping on
the hard ground (just 5-6 hours a night), squeezed together in a much to
small lecture room, unable to move and continiously learning some new
prayers, mantras, visualizations etc. was not an easy task. At the
beginning I could have killed him for all this pain, cramps, and the
uncomfortable situation. But I soon found out that it was worth all that,
ending in an experience of the highest enjoyment and enlightened
happiness, even though one hardly could walk anymore and it was really a
problem to keep the overtired eyes open. To the common amusement one could
hear people snoring during some important lectures. But reaching the
physical and psychological limits helped a lot to overcome the gross mind
and to develop a sensibility for the refined senses, opening the inner
channels and getting in contact with the deeper reality of mind. Nearly
all participants came from a psychedelic background and had various
enlightened experiences before. But this time we experienced a 'natural'
enforced taste of what enlightenment is all about, guided by experienced
teachers and on top of it we've got a solid and authentic knowledge about
the fundamentals of Mahayana Buddhism. I started to understand how
important it is to find a guru or teacher, offering shortcuts, a whole
library can't replace.
. Lama Yeshe.was an ideal teacher and Buddhist entertainer for this kind
of audience. From his Nepal courses he knew very well how to handle crowds
of crazy hippies, serious seekers, looking for peaceful alternatives in a
violent, materialistic and spiritual burned out Western world. So many of
his teachings emphazised the fundamental differences between the West and
the East, intellect and wisdom, extroversion and introversion, ego-cult
and ego transcendence, searching for the divine in the outside instead of
finding it in the inside, debating theories and philosophies instead of
studying the fudamental nature of mind, questioning or at least analyze
the existance of what we call ego, having no concept of what existence is
all about...In other words he was running into open doors and he did this
in an unorthodox and untraditional way, using our way of thinking and
feeling and being aware that the alternative couldn't be a kind of a 'new'
church or monastic society as established in old Tibet. So he tried to
translate the essence of a thousand year old wisdom culture using a modern
way of thinking and presenting this enormous mind work with wit, humour
and in an easy sounding way, as if Buddhism was always explained like
this. Trying to do the same in the early seventies with the traditionally
encrusted astrology, not giving up it's essential truth, I know to well
what inner fights, energetic brainwork, responsible translations,
transformations, self doubts etc. are envolved to create such a fresh and
mind provoking interpretation, always in accordance with the underlying
thruth. There was no predecessor he could lean on and this made him so
admirable and unique and won him so many sympathies all around the globe.
One simply could see and feel how many bridges he build inside to
reformulate what he himself had learned the traditional way. Doing so he
was fully aware of the responsibility and the karmic consequences of his
doing, honored by his young Western followers and secretly criticized by
some traditionalists. But don't get me wrong. Lama Yeshe was no Buddhist
version of Martin Luther or founder of a new sect. Deep inside he was a
highly trained and convinced Mahayana Buddhist of the Gelugpa tradition.
He simply followed his bodhisattva attitudes, his wide and caring heart
and the realistic evaluation of his karmic situation. There he was in
Nepal, coming in contact with Westerners, being asked by them for
teachings and understanding the necessity and importance of helping those
seekers, he simply did it as professional as possible (- beside the words
'clean-clear', 'professionality' was one of his most beloved
words he used in his teachings). As a perfectionalist he started at point
zero and undertook a crash course to study and analyze the Western mind,
mentality and culture to find out about our capacity, our problems,
our way of thinking and feeling, to bring the Buddhist message over as
effective as possible. Beside reading a lot, like books on Western
science, and having intensive talks with Western students, he loved to
look at tv, surfing through the channels, puzzling together more and more
informations on our strange culture and way of thinking. We often
were amazed how often he used newest findings of science to
compare those with the views of Buddhist philosophy
and psychology. To present the Mahayana the traditional way, would have
been much easier for him, but he knew exactly that this would have ended
in a cul-de-sac with no future. - In the field of tantric Buddhism, where
things essentially are as they are, the possibilities of a revival to
please the Western mind, are much more limited. But he tried at least to
reduce all kinds of rituals to a minimum, to prevent, that untrained
Westerners think that the ritual is the object of empowerment and get
blended by this exotic spectacle. He also knew about the danger about
wrong identifications with deities, not solidly based on a selfless
bodhicitta motivation, but used for stupid power games. A common problem
for enthusiastic beginners, coming from various esoteric or religious
backgrounds. In his later years I saw him giving initiations, not even
using vajra and gantha, just giving a verbal guiding tour through the
sadhana. As a trained yogi and tantrician he knew of course that the
ritual, used by an advanced practitioner is of high importance preparing
the mind and the accompanying visualizations, to unify with the deity and
the mandala. So he found a very good compromise for those advanced and
dedicated students of him, which were open and ready to understand, and to
integrate the secrets of rituals and traditional ceremonies, in inviting
experienced Vajrayana teachers like Ven. Zong Rinpoche, Geshe Teckshok
(also Lama Zopa) and others to perform empowerments and giving detailed
teachings on all sorts of refined esoteric aspects. He decided to keep the
image of being just "the Lama", a true friend to anybody, hiding his
magic perfections and thereby following the tradition of many Mahasiddhas
of the past. - But back to Les Bayard and
the after-effects. Even months after this course I experienced continious
flashbacks of feeling 'high' and in ecstatic love with the whole universe,
radiant with happiness. Many others had similar experiences. I started
also a regular schedule of meditation sessions, went again and again
through the script of the Lam Rim course, did further studies, practiced
various sadhanas and infected or even confused my friends and astrology
students, chanting prayers all day long, performing strange rituals,
ringing bells and cymbals, burning huge amounts of incense and running
around in Tibetan shirts, boots and even a huge Tibetan brocade hat. But
feeling that the vibration was ok, nobody was in fear about my mental
condition. Even my parents excepted all this, even though they had no
clear idea what it was all about. I also started to study (not very
successful) the Tibetan language. Today I can smile about all this, but at
the time it was an important outing, a demonstration, that I'd found my
spiritual home -which I found already much earlier- but now I felt
authorized in a way. In analogy to Kennedy's 'I am a Berliner', my message
was 'I am a Tibetan', and it made me proud and I wanted to show it. Too
long I had to keep my various tantric experiences from childhood onwards
in secret. - At this course I also met for the first time Geshe Rabten, a
former teacher of Lama Yeshe, who just arrived in Europe and introduced
himself at this course as the new abbot of the Tibetan monastery in Rikon
(Switzerland). With him I later studied a couple of years and became one
of his closer students. - Of course I fevered towards
the next year's repeat of this Lam Rim experience. This time in Cumbria/England. Some
students of Lama Yeshe and Lama Zopa (Charles & Harvey) managed to buy
a dilapidated, dump but huge castle-like manor house 'Conishead Priory',
called then 'Manjushri-Institute'. I will never forget the Odyssey finding
this haunted place in the middle of nowhere in a cold, Full Moon December
night. The car packed with all my friends, lots of sleeping bags, the
heating system of the car not functioning, and expecting a warm and cosy
place, we finally found the mansion at two or three in the morning. No
light in it, no people at all, just some howling owls. After shouting and
knocking at all doors and windows, Harvey opened this heavy big and
squeaking door and stared at us as if we were ghosts. By mistake we
had arrived a day or two to early and he let us in with the words
'welcome, you are the first official visitors at Manjushri Institute'.
Huge empty, icy halls and rooms, no functioning washing facilities. No
furniture, just a couple of mattresses lying around (flees included).
Another Dharma adventure had started. But all the excitement when the
course finally started and the intensity of the teachings from 6 in the
morning of up to 12 midnight superimposed the freezing dumpness, the stiff
fingers, the scratching flees and the haunting neo-gothic building.
Basically this course was of the same intensity and on the same subjects
as Les Bayard. But this time I managed to get two or three private
meetings with Lama Yeshe and told him about my strange childhood, my
psychedelic past, my work as an astrologer and my idea of establishing a
centre, combining Western astrology with Tibetan Buddhism. At this time I
already worked as a professional astrology teacher since a couple of years
(1970) and he showed great interest in my work and enthusiastically
enforced me to go on with my project and, suggesting the name
'Manjushri-Mandala' for this new centre, he immediatly agreed. With the
additional agreement of Geshe Rabten some months later Manjushri-Mandala
was born. I don't know why, but both trusted me to work as a Buddhist
teacher and encouraged me to teach Lam Rim, giving meditation
instructions and organizing retreats (e.g. Manjushri, White Tara,
Vajrapani, Shine, Vajrasattva), what I did for a couple of years. I must
add that they did this not lightheartedly. They knew and found ways to
proof, that I did intensive Buddhist studies since the late sixties. So
their decision was not just based on the result of a few Lam Rim courses,
empowerments and retreats. Lama Yeshe was already to busy those days to
come and visit me Germany, but Geshe Rabten and his main disciple
Gonsar Tulku came in 1976 and 1977 to give teachings and initiations at
Manjushri-Mandala. On one occasion I asked Lama Yeshe for his
birthdata, which by then nobody knew for sure. After a short meditation he
gave me his data: 15th of May 1935, 5:00 LMT ('sun was just showing from
behind the mountains') in Tölung/Dechen near Lhasa.
- Now you
should know, that it was not easy for me all the years to live with a few secrets,
which I was to shy to share with other people, without risking to be taxed
as a dreamer, boaster or even an esoteric confidence trickster. Having a
healthy amount of self criticism, self doubts and being no esoteric
sentimentalist, it was difficult for me to accept the fact that by my
experiences, which I had from early childhood onwards, and after
overcoming heavy inner fights, that in a former existance I must have had
a strong connection to Manjushri, the naga-realms and other magical worlds
as described in the Buddhist tantras. In Lama Yeshe I had confidence and
so I took together all my courage to speak to him quite openly about just
this. He listened very carefully to my story, giving me a special
Manjushri blessing afterwards, and taking it as possibility that I may be
a Buddhist tulku (rebirth). When I repeatedly told him the story in 1981
(or 82?), he invited me to visit his Tushita centre in Northern India to
stay a couple of month to find out more about me. I went to Tushita in
1983 for the big 2-month Dharma Experience course, but dealing with
hundreds of students and monks, and organizing a daily schedule for highly
advanced teachings and empowerments, there was no time to contact him
personally. So I decided to possibly come back the next year. His untimely
death in 1984 destroyed this plans, and in the meantime I found ways to
live with this past of mine quite happily and unproblematic. Not searching
for confirmation anymore and giving it a low profile. - Just for
curiosity a few details of what I've told Lama Yeshe: In my childhood, up
to the age of twelve or thirteen 'realistic' daytime visions of magical
animals like dragons, majestic golden turtles, various kind and helpfull
naga-goddesses, mystical serpent beings, emanating from the water,
fulfilling my wishes and protecting me when I felt in danger or fear.
Sitting for hours at a lake or a little stream nearby I could communicate
with many of them and they gave me various teachings and empowerments, but
I can't remember clearly what it was about. But whenever I could, I went
to the lakes in our area and choose a timing when no other people were
around. I really loved those little secret places of mine and I often
wondered why adults couldn't see or experience all the magic which
happened directly in front of me. I also was able to experience all kind
of elementary beings, lower gods, witches or demons, living on trees
or hiding in bushes, having conversations with animals (e.g. birds) and
plants, even whole landscapes as if it were the most natural thing in the
world. I often made a long way round to avoid certain magical spots which
gave me fear. I was also building little fantasy altars beside my bed and
had a protector, a friendly demon-like being with an immense magical
power, who watched over me during the night. I called him 'The Dark Man',
and he always stood in a special corner of my bedroom. Many years later I
recogneized him as Yamantaka (-a wrathful form of Manjushri), discovering
a painting of him in a Buddhist book. All this magical reality was
abosolutely normal for me (as for many other children too), but I think I
never spoke about this to my parents or other people, because I knew they
wouldn't understand or just laugh about a childs fantasies. But when I
recently was in Berlin and spoke about my strange childhood, an old aunt
of mine remembered that I told her about some of my strang experiences.
Maybe she was the only person at that time which had an open ear for a
childs secret little problems. Of most importance was my
special deity, a bright and radiant being which I called 'Manju'. Whenever
I had problems or wishes I called for Manju, who manifested himself
promptly and who announced himself with a wind breeze to fullfill my
little wishes. When I was sixteen it happened that I started a longer
lasting friendship with possibly the only person in Berlin, who ever was
in Tibet and Lhasa, working as a silk merchant between China and Tibet
during the second WW. He tried to teach me the meaning of the Kalachakra
symbol (also connected to Manjushri), which he studied in a Tibetan
monastery. But I wasn't open to all this at that stage. Fourteen years
later I enthusiastically initiated a 1-year workshop to study exactly this
Kalachakra symbol in full detail. - Enforced by strong
psychedelic experiences from the mid-sixties onwards, but also in normal meditations
and in dreams I had many clean-clear visions of a skyblue-transparent
Buddha with a very fine golden aura. I recognized him immediatly as my
child-god Manju, and of course I was very exited! Always in the teaching
mudra he allowed me to receive very deep and unbelievable insights about
the magical evolution of the universe, the interactions between the
elements and esoteric astrological correlations, not using words but
pictorial, film-like explanations. I must confess that it was to much for
me to keep all this in memory or even understand this mystical crash
course in full. Today I interprete this experiences (which still last on)
as wisdom transmissions, initiations, kept somewhere in my mind for
further clearance in further existences (I don't like the word
incarnation, because it associates a physical body and excludes an etheric
existance, - in Buddhist terms the Samboghakaya level). I was quite alone
with all this and had no further explanations. Imagine my over-exitement,
when, in the early seventies I discovered a Tibetan thangka painting in a
book showing a deity named 'Manjushri' and which looked similar to the
Manju of my many visions. Tears came to my eyes and I was exploding with
enjoyment and relief. Later I discovered also painting of naga deities and
Naga-Buddhas, which were so close and realistic friends of mine in my
early childhood. And all this growing up in the bombed ruins of the
after-war Berlin, not knowing anything about Tibet, but living in natural
harmony with it's kind of reality. Unbelievable, here was a culture and
esoteric tradition, knowing all about all my little secrets, practicing
Manjushri meditations on a daily basis, taking those things seriously and
all this since thousands of years! Couldn't believe it, but I immediatly
felt back 'home'. Just two details I had to
clear up. Firstly the name. Here I discovered the information, that the
ending 'Shri' is just a title of honor like 'his holiness'. So Manju was
the right 'intimate' word for a deity (aspect of mind) I must have a
special connection to. Then there was the color. Even though Manjushri can
have the color resp. light-body of all 5 elements, I didn't find a
sky-blue description or painting of Manjushri. This became a small problem
for me, developing slight doubts in the credibility of Tibetan Buddhism.
Also none of my Buddhist teachers (I asked many high ranking teachers of
all 4 major Tibetan tradtions about a skyblue Manjushri) had an answer for
this. Doing several retreats on the popular orange form of Manjushri I
went berserk, because he persistently showed himself in his skyblue form.
I even developed childish doubts in Lama Yeshe, Tibetan Buddhism in
general and other Lamas, giving possibly wrong teachings on Manjushri. I
had to live with these doubts to the end of the eighties, until I found
the missing link, studying the biography of Je Tsongkhapa, founder of the
Gelugpa tradition and honored as an emanation of Manjushri. At one stage
of his life, Tzongkhapa heard about a secretly famous yogi living far away
in a remote area who practiced on the skyblue Manjushri. Tzongkhapa showed
great interest in this and wanted to receive those rare instructions and
initiations. Three times he undertook a long journey to meet this yogi and
three times he missed him, until he finally gave up. I'm not so much
interested in the meaning of all this. But for me it was just a great
relief, that my offstream and clean-clear visions of the skyblue Manjushri
were/are not a false invention of my mind, but had a tantric tradition
too, even though it's a tradition seemed to have become extinct. - Another
fact completed my Manjushri connection. Long before I discovered all this,
I decided against the advice of most of my friends and against all reason
to become a professional astrologer. A strange and courageous decision at
those days (late sixties). Another surprise when I found out that
Manjushri is the highest patron of astrology and related esoteric
sciences. Mythology even says that he did hide all advanced astrology
teachings on the peak of his sacred mountain Wu-Tai-Chan at the border
between Tibet and China, waiting until manking would be ready for them.
Maybe he allowed me to get some vague insights into his hidden magic box,
a box, which lies deep in anybody's mind, just waiting to be discovered. -
But now I really should come to an end. Enough about all this! Lama Yeshe
would have said 'I talk to much' ;-) p.s. For me it was/is an essentail part
of my biography. For a Non-Buddhist reader this may
sound a bit 'up in the sky'. They should just ignore my little story and
stay sceptical. For the experienced and advanced Tibetan Buddhist this is
just a normal down-to-earth thing, not even very
special ;-) There are so many stories
concerning Lama Yeshe, but there is one, which I want to share, because it touched my heart
and improved my deep trust in him. As you can see from my biography I was
enthuasiastically and seriously envolved in the psychedelic movement of
the sixties and early seventies. Not so much as a playground to have an
easy going and funny time of self-entertainment. I was more the type of a
systematical spiritual seeker, analyzing and learning from my discoveries
I made with the help of some 2000 intensive LSD experiences. Lama had an
open heart for people with this kind of background, being dissatisfied
with the answers of Western culture, religion and philosophy concerning
the nature of mind and the meaning of life, being on the road to discover
what the East might have to offer. Basically an academic movement,
spreading from Californian universities all over the world, even to
Germany ;-) - I just give this reminder to understand, that
dealing with hippies meant dealing with a kind of an intellectual
advangarde of that era and not with some dull drug consumers of later
times. Having no proper Western tradition of meditation, LSD, having the
potential for mind-expanding experiences, was the only option to open new
doors for finding an understanding of Eastern esoterics and philosophy, a
vehicle, which often enough catapulted ones mind to the peaks of the
Himalayas. And arriving there, there was this famous 'Hippie Lama', called
Thubten Yeshe, who put us under his wings, knowing how difficult it was to
get here and how hungry we were for getting profound teachings and
instructions. Most of the other lamas were to proud or had no complex
understanding to mix with those colorful and suspect outsiders coming from
the West, hanging around Tibetan monasteries and waiting for 'food'. There
were rumours that Lama Yeshe had tested LSD himself in his early Nepal
days. But even if not, he must have heard enough about the nature of
psychedelics to get a complex picture. - Anyhow, his first courses in
Europe were crowded by Europe's spectacular hippie hi-society, most of
them already with various tantric insights, but no general concept of
explanations or a right understanding. So, especially in Les Bayard the
tension was very high: What would this Lama think about LSD and us
hippie's in general. The last one was an easy one. Everybody felt his warm
and understanding kindness towards us paradise birds, even giving us the
feelig that he is one of us. But nobody had the courage during the many
question/answer discussions to openly place the crucial question
concerning LSD. Also I felt to shy for it. Than, nearly at the end of the
course somebody asked this essential question. There immediatly was a
complete silence in the room, even breathing stopped. Lama Yeshe closed
his eyes for a moment, smiling from inside, and feeling the importance of
the question, until he came over with the Solomon words: "LSD is the
wisdom of the West". Whow, tears filled our eyes. There was a real Tibetan
Lama and spiritual authority, exactly knowing what he said - and he backed
up our trip so far. A really touching experience I never will forget. It
meant so much for us at this time. - Of course he didn't encourage us to
go on with it, just after given us a 2-month lecture of how to develope
similar experiences using Buddhist methods, but he signalized that we
didn't waste our time, using LSD as a vehicle arriving safely in Les
Bayard/Switzerland. - I know that at later occasions he didn't repeat this
unorthodox statement, dealing with a more conservative sangha of a
different generation.
It's
difficult to characterize such a multilayered and unique personality like
Lama Yeshe, but, knowing him for 9 years I will try to find a few
keywords: a pioneering bridge-builder between East and West, unorthodox
maverick, Buddhist hippie, thought provoking, sharp thinker and analyst,
intuitive, creative, unpredictable, controverse, spontanious,
individualist, vajra-pride (spiritual pride), stylish, open-minded,
quick, soft but strict, heart-centered, rethoric
talent, humorous, quick-witted, friend of good food, complex, natural
sense for beauty, bright intelligence, satirical, comprehensive magic
recources, human, powerful, mischievous, dramatic, entertaining,
radiating, charming, organizing talent, self-confident, adventurous,
eccentric, boyish, ready to help, generous, good listener, reading
people's mind, occasionally moody, honest, unconvential. To his closer
students and monks he could be rigorous and demanding. But this was common
use and part of a more intensive monastic Buddhist education. By his heart
he always stayed a caring and loving teacher and friend. In Buddhist
tantric terms a unique mixture of Manjushri, Vajrapani, Chenrezig, Green
Tara and Heruka... .. - With kind regards from Ireland, Champa Legshe
(Hans Taeger)
Click the little
Manjushri and the Naga image for further informations
Background photos:
snapshots from Les Bayard 1974 |