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Biographical Sketch of Jhampa
Our life is what we make of it,
no matter what the events. I have had an interesting life and
some of these events may never be repeated. That does not stop
the potential for any of us to strive to find new dimensions to life’s
expression. I hope by sharing these stories you may feel
inspiration to pursue your own spiritual goals. I never saw
myself becoming a Buddhist monk, but it happened. Some of you
perhaps will spread the wings of your imagination and do something
similar. I was born on September 23rd, 1950 at 1:34 PM in
Duncan, British Columbia, Canada. I am a baby boomer and the son
of a dairy farmer, yet I will end up in India as a Buddhist
monk. There were significant changes ahead of me.
My personal image as a youth never included the desire to become a
monk. I had no particular spiritual aspirations that I could
recognize during those years. I was confirmed an Anglican at my
mother’s wish, but found the classes did not speak to me. I
enjoyed music, dancing and social activities in the sixties. In
my 19th year I started to find things hollow and dissatisfying.
I became more and more unhappy and was unconsciously searching for
meaning. My family luckily comes from a line of world
travelers. When I decided a trip to Europe may help and the
family encouraged me to go out and find myself. I started in
England with a trip to the Isle of White Rock concert of 1970.
That was where Jimi Hendrix performed for the last time. I
continued to Europe and partied on the southern coast of Spain.
After some time, I was again unhappy and started to look even further
abroad.
When I returned to London I purchased two
books. One was the I Ching and the second was Introduction to
Meditation by Christmas Humphrey. I decided I was going to go to
the Middle East to live in the desert and meditate. I did not
know quite what that would entail, but I knew I was missing something
from my life. Going inside with meditation was going to fix
that. Just before my 20th birthday, I found a truck going to
Afghanistan and purchased a seat. My departure from London and
western civilization was on September 20th 1970.
My Introduction
to Buddhism
I arrived from Afghanistan at the Indian
border at 6 PM on November 12th, 1970. It was personally a
special event. I can distinctly remember powerful feelings as I
drew closer and closer to the Pakistan Indian border. It was
like returning home to my mother. Possibly this is why people
refer to India as Mother India. I felt an even stronger sense of
peace and harmony once over the border. India was
wonderful. The locals exhibited open warmth and many of them
could speak English. There was also a distinct air of
spirituality among the people. A Sikh man beside me on the train
explained he was on a pilgrimage to Delhi. He planned to attend
the Full Moon celebrations and birthday of Guru Nanak the following
day. I traveled directly to Delhi and spent two weeks enjoying
new sights and sounds.
I had the opportunity during
this time to attend a huge spiritual service with Guru Charan Singh,
the leader of Sat Mat. This group has a large following in the
Sikh tradition. There were over 15,000 people seated in a large
field that was covered with massive canvas pavilions. It was my
first experience of a religious event that involved thousands of
people, a common occurrence in India. The organizers even served
lunch of curried vegetables and chapatti to everyone attending.
I was truly uplifted by the whole event and even managed to see Charan
Singh for a brief private interview. He was pleasant to me but I
felt no special connection with him.
My search for
spirituality continued and I left Delhi on December 23rd. Some
of my friends were living in Goa and I wanted to celebrate Christmas
with them. There I met an American woman who said we should
visit a Tibetan refugee camp in Karnataka State. I had no
knowledge about the Tibetans, but she said His Holiness, the Dalai
Lama was giving the Kalachakra initiation and that sounded
interesting. Although we arrived at the correct refugee camp, we
missed the initiation by 2 weeks. This trip did set me on the
path to Bodha Gaya though, as my friend explained I could meet many
Buddhist teachers there.
Bodha Gaya is a very
sacred site for Hindus, Moslems and Buddhists. Many of their
saints have received realizations in this area. Buddhists revere
it as Lord Buddha’s place of Enlightenment. I arrived shortly
after the New Year and was told the Gandhi Ashram was a good place to
stay. There were other westerners there and a Zen monk was
giving Buddhist teachings. This seemed perfect, so I registered
at the ashram and started to learn to meditate.
The
main focus of Buddhist teachings is to become self-aware. This
entails looking at the world in a more realistic manner. Zen
Buddhism expresses this view clearly. The purity and simplicity
of their technique is powerful, and so with the guidance and blessings
of Zengo, the Japanese monk, I discovered my spirituality. The
first few days I stayed continually in this environment and was full
of exuberance. I even decided to be a monk like
Zengo.
On the third day, a friend said a
Tibetan Lama was to give some lectures at the main temple.
We were all welcome to attend. We went to the main Enlightenment
Stupa to find the meeting place. It was in a small stone temple
at north side of the 150’ tall main stupa. It was called
Nagarjuna's Cave. I sat down and promptly placed my feet up
against the edge of the altar. It was a small uncomfortable
space and there were too many of us in the little area.
When Lama Yeshe arrived, he took a seat at the
doorway. The room was so full he could not get to the
front. He sat there with a lovely smile and blissful
presence. Lama quickly informed me it was disrespectful to point
feet at an altar and I should sit cross-legged. In the west we
often lack awareness that appreciates sacred space.
Lama Yeshe gave the lecture in an unbelievable manner.
He spoke very poor English, but communicated something far beyond the
words. He was both deep and insightful about what he talked
about, but he also laughed uproariously at his own jokes. I was
so moved by what he talked about, which was actually very basic ideas,
that I quickly decided to change camps and follow him. He
was so alive and had a very infectious laughter. I felt
that if I were to become a monk, it would have to be a monk like
him.
Monks have shaved heads and so I went to
the village and had my hair cut off. The barber shaved
everything but the tuft of hair on my crown. My hair was quite
long, so I had the remaining hair braided into a pigtail and then went
searching for Lama Yeshe. He was staying in the upper assembly
room of the Tibetan temple. When I found him he was sitting with
a young monk at the end of the room. I did a Zen prostration and
asked him to be my teacher. As this happened the young monk
burst into laughter. I thought he was being rude as I was
serious at that moment. Lama smiled and accepted my
request. Later I realized the young monk was Lama Zopa Rinpoche
and they had been discussing me just prior to my arrival. I left
for Nepal and Kopan monastery shortly after that with Lama Yeshe and a
small group of western devotees.
A Russian princess named
Zena had established Kopan monastery. Kopan was on a small hill
on the north side of the valley. It had been the home of the
king’s astrologer in olden times. Zena had purchased it
especially for western people to learn Buddhism. It was
here I attended the very first meditation course of Lama Zopa
Rinpoche, Lama Yeshe's star pupil. I formally became a
Buddhist after that course.
I discovered Zena had invited
the Zengo, the Zen Monk, to teach his style of Buddhist practice
immediately after Lama Zopa’s course. This was wonderful
as I could compare two varieties of Buddhist practice. The
style of Zen tends to be simple and clear compared to the great
variety of methods in Tibetan Buddhism. Although I
preferred Tibetan practice just for that reason, I actually ended up
spending two more months under the daily guidance of
Zengo.
Zengo arranged for the use of a
small abandoned nunnery on the side of Shivapuri, a mountain
overlooking the Kathmandu valley after the course. This was a
two hour walk up the mountain above Kopan. The monastery had a
small temple for meditation and in front two rows of 2 storied huts on
each side of the courtyard. It was picturesque, high up on the
mountain and facing south over the valley. It was like
Shangri-La.
There was one event at Kopan that was both
insightful and yet inappropriate. This happened before the move
to the nunnery. Several women from the United States
befriended Zengo. These women were staying at Kopan and
asked Zengo to go for a morning walk up Shivapuri. Everyone was
to have breakfast together and then start the walk. What they
didn’t tell Zengo was they were mixing his porridge with peyote
buttons. I did not actually accompany them but heard the full
story that afternoon.
The group left after breakfast
on a small trail that wound up the shoulder of the mountain. They
stopped mid morning to rest under some huge round boulders. The
weather was hot and they all started to feel the effects of the
peyote. Zengo had not been talking and as they sat there, he
quietly disappeared. When they realized he was not in sight,
they started looking around. Suddenly, above them on top of the
huge boulder, they saw Zengo, his two arms stretched above his head,
shouting, “I have the power!”
The poor
fellow thought it was a satori experience of phenomenal
proportion. They had to help him climb off the boulder and
explain it was the effect of a drug. Later that evening, when we
had our regular sit with Zengo, he was composed and quiet. The
next day he confessed it was a powerful experience but did not
last. He preferred meditation as there was more control and he
had no interest to take drugs again. Shortly after, we made the
move up to the abandoned nunnery.
I continued to receive
weekly instruction from Lama Yeshe during this time. Lama
lived a very humble life at Kopan. He had a small room in the
old building and that particular room had a leaky roof. His
prayers and Buddhist texts were all stacked neatly into the fireplace
of the room. It was the only dry area during the monsoon
season. Lama gave me a couple of hours instruction once a
week. Lama also made arrangements for me to meet his teacher in
India that summer. I had asked him repeatedly for
ordination and he said I would take a novice ordination from his
spiritual senior, Geshe Rabten. The ordination date of
July 4th, 1971 was set.
June arrived and I had to leave
Nepal. My visa had expired. The easiest direction to go
was directly South and into Bihar State. Accompanying an
American(,) I went to the yoga ashram of Swami Satyananda.
The swami was busy establishing an international organization, the
World Yoga Fellowship, and so I was taught yoga by several of his
students. I spent three weeks in the ashram.
As monsoon rains started I left the plains of India and traveled to
Dharmsala in the Northwestern province of Himachel Pradesh.
There I reunited with Lama Yeshe and took novice vows as a Buddhist
monk from Geshe Rabten.
The ordination inadvertently became
a humorous event. Geshe Rabten was a meditating monk and lived
outside the monastery on the side of the mountain. He was the
main teacher for several monks who were also in retreat. A total
of 5 monks are required to perform an ordination. Three
meditators came and met Lama Yeshe at Geshe Rabten’s hut on the
morning of July 4th. Lama was the translator as no one else
spoke English. I was dressed in maroon robes with a shaved
head. The room was incredibly small, dark and with a dirt
floor. I entered, made three prostrations and knelt before Geshe
Rabten. Geshe Rabten looked serious and the four monks along the
wall to my right were all somber and quiet. It was a meaningful
moment.
Lama Yeshe sat close to me and guided the
ceremony. I had to repeat a multiple lined prayer three times
after Geshe Rabten to receive this ordination. Lama explained
all this to me and then I started to repeat whatever Geshe Rabten
said. On the first repetition, Lama interrupted me to correct my
pronunciation. I was trying my best, but Tibetan is a tonal
language and difficult to distinguish at the best of times. When
the second repetition was completed, Lama started to grin, but did not
interrupt me. As we moved to the third repetition, Lama could
not control himself and started to laugh. Geshe Rabten carried
on as if nothing was wrong, but by the time I finished the last line
of the ritual, all four monks were almost rolling on the ground with
laughter. Lama was crying tears as he tried to control
himself. Finally even Geshe Rabten lost it and started to
laugh.
I had no idea what the monks were
all laughing about. I just knelt there looking at Geshe Rabten,
thinking this must be a secret part of the ceremony. Maybe I was
getting a profound initiation from them? When Lama Yeshe calmed
down he explained to me what had happened. My pronunciation was
so poor that I was saying, “I go for Refuge to the Buddha, I go for
refuge to yogurt, I go for refuge to the spiritual community.”
The refuge in yogurt was too funny for Lama, who had a good sense of
humor anyway. What made it worse was that he had to laugh
discreetly, as Geshe Rabten, his own teacher, was right in front of
him. The monks were nice to me after that and said I had made a
big impact of Geshe Rabten.
At this point, I was
totally broke and so a western student of Lama Yeshe, Sister Max, gave
me the funds to purchase my first robes. She also paid for
my accommodation in Dharmsala for four months. Sister
Max’s kindness helped keep me in India and continue to study with the
Lamas.
I was Lama Yeshe’s first male
westerner to receive ordination and one of the very few at that time
to be in the Tibetan order of Buddhism. Lama Yeshe had
also arranged an audience with His Holiness the 14th Dalai
Lama. Originally, Lama Yeshe was to accompany me but at
the last moment he had to leave for Nepal on unexpected
business. I had to meet His Holiness on my own. I
was only 20 years old then and rather naïve. There were so few
westerners in India at that time studying Buddhism. I decided to
pick a line from an English translation of the Lankavatara Sutra
and ask for His Holiness’s commentary.
The line
read, “Everything is a reflection of the mind.” The subject
material was on the ultimate nature of reality. I was ushered
into the audience chamber, made 3 prostrations and sat down with His
Holiness and Tenzin Geyche, the translator. I politely asked
what the sentence meant. His Holiness paused for a long time and
then asked me, “Do you know when you are going to die?” I went
into shock. Did His Holiness know I was going to die soon?
It was a very uncomfortable moment for me. His Holiness then
smiled and said I would have to study for a few more years before I
could understand that sentence. He then asked me several
pleasant questions and the interview was over.
I was fortunate that my arrival in Dharmsala coincided with
His Holiness opening the Tibetan Library. This was to
facilitate teachings for western students of Buddhism. The
instruction was to be given by a qualified Geshe, a title given to
someone who had mastered the full extent of the Mahayana Buddha
Dharma. Geshe Ngawang Dhargaye was the teacher. The
classes were six days a week, five days teachings and one day of
prayer and meditation. Each day had two hours of lecture
and the rest of the time for study and meditation. I moved
close to the library to attend these classes. I was an oddity
within the Tibetan monastic community. There were only three
western monks in Dharmsala at the time and two of them were in His
Holiness’s monastery. Lama Yeshe wanted me to be independent, so
I was allowed to live on my own and study as best as I
could.
The fall is a pleasant time
in Dharmsala. The weather becomes dry and clear. I had
just turned 21 and life was interesting. I managed to stay
under the guidance of Geshe Dhargay four months and then decided to
return to Nepal to be with Lama Yeshe. I missed his love
and laughter. This was an error. I was informed upon
my arrival in Nepal that Lama Zopa Rinpoche and Lama Yeshe were going
to Dharmsala to attend special teachings from His
Holiness. I missed receiving teachings from all of my
teachers.
In February 1972 both Lamas returned from India
and we made plans to travel to Mt. Everest. Lama Zopa had a
small monastery there. This was exciting, as I strongly
desired to practice meditation. My teachers had stressed
that one needed to study prior to meditating, but I wanted to gain
greater depth in what I had already received as teachings. Lama
Yeshe was always telling me to meditate. He would say, “The
words of a scholar are like sawdust, they have no flavor. The
words of a yogi are like chocolate, even the smallest piece tastes
wonderful.”
First Retreat
Lama Zopa's
small monastery was called Lauduo Gompa and was situated at an
attitude of 14,000 feet. It was beautifully placed with a
southern side of a valley that ran east-west. It was three days
walk from Mt Everest base camp or one day from Namche
Bazaar. When we all arrived there, Lama Zopa arranged for
me to stay in a small hut that his uncle had used for
retreat. It was placed in a gorge that ran south into the
larger valley and was one mile west and 1000 feet higher than the
monastery.
The peaks of the mountains that created the Thame
valley were 20,000 feet high. There were glaciers and snow
peaked mountains all around. My hut was placed at the base
of a 100-foot cliff that was one side of the gorge. No
rain or wind could reach the hut because of this. The room
was about 8 feet by 6 feet and only had a mud fireplace and a sleeping
box in it. Tibetan practitioners both meditate and sleep
seated in one of these boxes. They are made of wood planks
about 3 feet square, with a low front and sides and a tall back to
lean against. I attempted to sleep and meditate in this box, but
soon found it impossible. At the monastery I found an
unused door and moved it up to the hut. By placing it flat
up against a wall over the fire pit I had use of the limited space
during the daytime and at night I could fold it down to sleep
on. I think westerners will always have trouble trying to
duplicate the seated style of sleeping that is particular to Buddhist
asceticism.
The back wall of the hut was the vertical
wall of the cliff. My meditation box was placed against that
wall facing west and if I leaned forward I could look out a tiny
18-inch window to a 20,000 foot peak across the valley. It
was gloriously white with a huge glacier. This sight was
especially inspiring early in the morning as the first sunlight
reached it from the east. Pigeons would sometimes fly into
the gorge in the morning, their flapping wings making great echoing
sounds in the narrow area of the gorge. The wedge shaped
gorge had cliff sides that rose up about 100 feet above the flat
floor. Huge boulders were scattered throughout the area and the
gorge seemed to pour them out into the larger valley.
My first serious attempt to retreat was a perfect
site. I only had to walk five minutes to get my water from
a small creek and wood could be gathered from juniper trees that grew
everywhere. I decided, being young and idealistic, I
needed to discipline my desirous and wandering mind. This
comprised of a 100 day vow not to speak and eat only what I minimally
needed. I had the good fortune of several supports for
this retreat. One was a Sherpa lady to bring me
food. She came once every 2 weeks and gave me bags of real
Tibetan stampa (roasted barley flour) and yak butter.
I had no money to repay this kindness and so I rationed
myself strictly. I used to take a small mug and fill it
full with stampa. I then took the water from my 8 offering
bowls and boiled the water in an old pan. I added one tablespoon
of yak butter to the boiling water and mixed it together with the
stampa. This is all I ate each morning for 100 days.
In the afternoon I had one cup of hot milk made from Swiss milk
powder. The Swiss milk powder was part of a nutritional
health program offered to mountain people of Nepal. I was
supplied this by the monastery.
My daylight
hours were spent sitting and meditating on the basic teachings of the
Buddha. This included exercises to build my visualization
power. To accomplish this, I suspended a picture of Buddha
from the ceiling on strings about one meter in front of my
face. I then closed the small window with wooden shutters
and lit a small candle sat below and in front of me. This was
screened so I could not see it directly. This made the
picture of Buddha Vajradhara appear to float in the space.
I spent many hours focusing on this picture and closing my eyes trying
to generate the image. After 100 days I had not been
overly successful, but I had fun working at it. I then returned
to Thame monastery. I can remember an Italian friend
visiting at that time expressing her shock at my emaciated
state. I was 6 feet tall and weighted about 110 pounds.
Although I must have looked skinny, I was happy.
Lama
Yeshe was visiting the monastery at this time. He was
organizing a trip to India so I requested him to arrange for my full
ordination as a monk. He said that I had to return to
India and meet a special Lama for the full ordination. We left
the mountain monastery and returned to Kathmandu city. I
was one of the few people who managed to spend private time with Lama
Yeshe in those early years. Later he became very successful and
was not easy to visit. It was a great privilege to walk along
the mountain trials of Nepal with Lama telling
stories.
Walking with Lama was quite
special. Here I was following a jovial Tibetan monk in burgundy
robes through the high mountain valleys of the Solo Kumbo. The
sky was clear and sunny as we wove our way along paths that were
thousands of years old. I can still see in my mind’s eye the
rich green of spring on the land. Lama had a heart problem and
so we had to slowly. He had been diagnosed the year before as
only having 6 months to live. That story deserves a few
comments.
Just before the trip to Lauduo Gompa, Lama had
gone into Kathmandu to see some doctors at the American
hospital. He returned with a very subdued look. He was
living in the back room of the Kopan building at that point. I
brought some tea for him from the kitchen and he said the doctors had
looked at his heart and were in shock. They said his heart was
twice the size of a normal one and overworked. The damaged heart
was due to scarlet fever. The doctors were so concerned for him
they treated Lama like an invalid as he got off the table. He
was withdrawn for two days thinking about his state of health.
He had dreams to fulfill and this was a huge setback. Finally he
must have come to a profound resolution because on the third day he
dropped all the sadness and started to laugh again. He said,
“Well if I am to die so soon, I might as well enjoy myself before it
happens! Why be sad?” He lived for another 12 years
a very full and active life establishing the Federation for the
Preservation of the Mahayana Tradition, a worldwide Buddhist
organization.
Back in the Solo Kumbo valley Lama rested
every hour as we walked. He would tell me everything was fine
and the walk and altitude were not a problem. He never used his
illness as an excuse to not be active. When we rested, he would
tell me stories of his family in Tibet. He had 7 or 8 siblings,
I was never that sure of the number. One funny thing was the way
he referred to his brothers and sisters. He would say, “This one
is same mother different father, that one is same father different
mother.” It was very confusing. The story goes like
this. The original mother and father had 3 children. That
mother died and the father remarried. That woman was Lama’s
mother, and she had several children also. Then the father died
and Lama’s mother remarried and had several more children again.
It was a large extended family.
We arrived in Kathmandu on
the Full Moon day of September 23rd, which was my 22nd birthday.
I still marvel at the beauty of that moment. There I was
standing in Buddhist monk’s robes on the crest of Kopan hill as the
Full Moon rose in the east. This was a life I could not even
have dreamt of in Canada.
A point of interest
about Kopan Hill is the Nepalese King’s astrologer used it in earlier
times for nighttime consultation. He could lie here on his back
and watch the movements of the night sky and look for special
signs. The last portion of the hill is a perfect cone and the
top has been leveled off flat. There seems to be a subtle aspect
of interconnectedness to everything, as I am now a Buddhist
astrologer.
Lama Yeshe gave me some good advice at
this point. I had asked him how could I best preserve my
experiences of the last few months in retreat? Lama
responded that to remember the experiences was the important
thing. By the power of memory they remain fresh and
inspiring. This later becomes the wisdom of past
experience, a powerful tool to help make decisions. This is part
of the wisdom used when dealing with astrological influences.
Although I wanted a highly profound answer from him, I can now see
there are no easy tricks to gaining
realization.
Dharmsala
Leaving
Kathmandu, Lama Yeshe and I traveled to Delhi and north to
Dharmsala. It was fall of 1972 and the weather was
beautiful. There was added excitement on this trip as Lama
was to purchase property in Dharmsala. Lama wanted to
establish a meditation center in Dharmsala. Arriving in
Dharmsala, we spent a week living in a hotel as Lama bargained over
the price. When the offer was finally accepted, we moved into
Naroji Koti. This was a large house built in a similar
fashion to houses when the British Raj was in power. Lama
renamed it Tushita Retreat Center.
Lama placed me in charge of the
retreat center. It had been exciting to buy the house and
Lama was scheduled to return to Nepal. Lama told me to prepare
to meet the senior tutor for His Holiness the Dalai Lama.
I was unfamiliar with who were the important Lamas in our
tradition. I had only met His Holiness and the teachers related
to Lama Yeshe. Thus on a sunny afternoon in October Lama took me
for an audience with Kyabje Ling Rinpoche.
Ling Rinpoche lived in a similar koti to Tushita Retreat
Center. It was on the same ridge as Tushita, and
overlooked the village of Dharmsala and the palace of His
Holiness. This gave both houses a spectacular southern
view from 6,000 feet down and southwards to the wide Kangra
valley. With a southern exposure, the sunshine was
unobstructed all day and flowers grew in abundance all over the
mountain. The area is the first range of the
Himalayas. The first peaks are 16,000 foot just behind
Dharmsala and the mountain range run east and west. This
sets the scene for arriving at Chopra House, the residence of Ling
Rinpoche.
One feature of Chopra House is
the incredible marigolds blossoming all around it. These
were the largest golden marigolds I had ever seen and they flank the
house on two sides. This gave the house a beautiful sense of
being completely in another realm.
Arriving at the house we were greeted by the manager of Ling
Rinpoche, Kungo La. He escorted us to a waiting room and
then after some other guests left, we were taken into the audience
room. Ling Rinpoche was seated upon a seat at one end of
the room and Lama and I took lower seats to his left. Lama
acted in a very humble manner during this interview and as I
understood no Tibetan, I just sat beside him and tried to look
comfortable. The interview carried on for about an hour
and then Lama informed me that Ling Rinpoche had accepted my request
for full ordination. I was also accepted to attend a special set
of tantric initiations that winter. All this was to
transpire in Bodha Gaya, on the central plains of India.
At that time, I was given permission to visit Ling Rinpoche
whenever I wanted. That was a great privilege as Ling
Rinpoche, aged 68, was in semi retirement. He was still
active teaching periodically at monasteries, but he maintained his
seclusion by offering only certain people freedom to visit him
regularly. As the years passed, Ling Rinpoche became my
chief mentor for tantric instruction.
It was the first week of
October so one English disciple of Lama Yeshe and I stayed at
Tushita. It was our job to clean the house. I also
returned to study at the Tibetan Library with Geshe
Dhargaye. When December arrived, I left Dharmsala for
Bodha Gaya to receive full ordination and tantric teachings.
These
became eventful times for me. I attended the Tantric
initiation of Vajra Bhairava and a 10 day commentary on Lama Chopa,
Guru Offerings upon arriving in Bodha Gaya. This was more
of a blessing than a teaching as the whole event was in Tibetan.
I understood only a little Tibetan at that time. The
teachings were carried out in the large assembly hall of the Tibetan
monastery in Bodha Gaya. There were about 600 monks in
attendance and the teachings went from 1 PM till 5:30.
This required sitting for two and a half hour stretches without being
able to stand up or stretch. At 3:30 Ling Rinpoche would
casually mention it was pee pee break and everyone would dash outside
to the adjacent field and empty their bladders. We were
allowed only 10 minutes for this and then returned to our seats until
6.
At the completion of the teachings the ordination
date was set. This took place on January 27th, 1973 at 2
PM. I was a fully ordained Buddhist monk. Having
completed all these events I returned to Dharmsala with Peter Kedge,
an English engineer. He was to become the new manager of Tushita
Retreat Center.
Second Retreat
Since Peter Kedge was the new manager of Tushita, I took the
opportunity to enter a meditation retreat again. I started the
preliminary practices. These involve doing 4 different
retreats of 100,000 repetitions of mantra or prayer. They are
100,000 prostrations, 100,000 Vajrasattva mantras, 100,000 mandala
offerings and 100,000 Guru mantras. I accomplished three
of these practices over the next 9 months. I undertook an
ascetic approach to this with a vow of silence. I also locked
myself into a small room in one of the outer buildings on the
property. The staff would drop off my three meals daily by the
door and so I had no interruptions.
The first retreat was
the 100,000 prostrations. Full length body prostrations are
considered the correct purification for physical negativities
committed in the past. When I was young I had killed many
fish and birds. At the time I was completely unconscious of what
pain I had caused. Fish and animals were merely
insentient. They had no feelings and so it was okay to kill
them. I now regretted all the pain I had inflicted on these
little creatures. I was told that prostrations were a good
practice to purify negative physical karma. It took three
months to complete the full number of 100,000 prostrations.
When finished I began the recitation of Vajrasattva's 100 syllable
mantra. This practice is done to purify mental defilements
and takes approximately three months to complete. The retreat is
not as physically demanding as prostrations. One sits for 2 hour
sessions and utilizes visualization, concentration and mantras.
The practice is effective on a subtle level and uses strong archetypal
images. The resultant effect is intended to bring a positive
shift of attitude.
The next practice is the guru
mantra recitations. The practice works to establish a
better bond with one's spiritual mentors. It is either be a 5
line prayer to the teachers of the lineage or the recitation of one's
personal Guru's Sanskrit name. It is done in conjunction
with a visualization and meditation on lights being absorbed into the
body. The resultant effect is a better ability to integrate the
teachings. One is more receptive to the inspiration of the
teacher and teachings. I finished this in six weeks, bringing to
a close my silent period of retreat.
In
September of 1973 I started to study with Geshe Ngawang Dhargay at the
Library again. I now seriously studied Buddhist philosophy and
my Tibetan language began to improve. I carried on with
study, teachings and initiations for the next two years. I
met many of the western people who had been drawn to Dharmsala and
Tibetan Buddhism. This included some of the more famous
western teachers and authors such as Glenn Mullin, Alan Wallace and
Robert Thurman. I also met my future wife, although at that time
I was a monk and we were only friends. I started to become ill
in the later part of 1975. I had been too intent on my studies
and had not taken care of my body. I weighed about 120 lbs and
was physically suffering from malnutrition.
It is not uncommon for
people to misunderstand spiritual practice and abuse their
bodies. I fell into this category. My body was
physical and I was trying to be spiritual. This had actually
started in the fall of 1974. I was skinny and easily
startled. Geshe Rabten became concerned and told me to live in
his house for the winter. He was going to southern India for the
winter. His house was just behind Ling Rinpoche's
residence and therefore appealed greatly to me. Geshe
Rabten arranged I was to live with his monk attendant Pemba.
This was a good opportunity to both improve my language and live with
a fine practitioner. Pemba was a well qualified teacher but he
was a humble man. He had decided to serve Geshe Rabten instead
of teach. Pemba did offer to tutor me during this time
though.
Pemba’s tutoring was actually quite
forthright. He would help my Tibetan language
skills. He spoke no English so it was a perfect
opportunity for me to experience Tibetan immersion. Being as
solid as the earth itself, Pemba just lived a simple life of the Zen
proverb “carry water and chop wood.” He put me in the
corner of the kitchen on a bench bed and told me to take refuge in
Buddha for the rest of the winter. I did well over 100,000
prayers of refuge during this time and in between these meditation
sessions Pemba told me stories of his life in
Tibet.
I spent many cold snowy nights
drinking hot Tibetan butter tea and listening to him. He
was a subtle and effective teacher. Pemba was a quiet
practitioner, living totally what he felt spiritually. One
thing he quietly emanated was the belief that negativity was totally
non-productive. He would say, “If a person is negative
towards others, why mention it?” Being unhappy about the
person only creates more negativity. If you can do
something about it, then do so. If one cannot do anything to
resolve the situation, then accept it quietly. He lived
this to the letter and I never knew him to get angry or be
pessimistic. He was just a quiet lovable man. That
was his offering to the universe.
When the winter finished, I
tried again to study intensively, but my body would not take
it. I became nervous and unhappy, and finally one of my
teachers told me to return to Canada to recover my health.
I was suffering from acute malnutrition and was experiencing nervous
exhaustion. I took my teacher's advice and flew back to
Vancouver in June of 1975. I stayed there only two
months. I disliked the exposure to western values at that
point in my life. Luckily I had received an inheritance
the year earlier from my grandmother so I was able to return in
September to India a bit fatter and happier. I did a month
retreat of my Guru's mantra and relaxed back into the slower Indian
way of life upon return.
In December of 1975 I went to Bodha
Gaya to visit Ling Rinpoche. He helped me decide to go to
Australia for a few years and help a new center of Lama Yeshe.
It was called Chenrizig Institute and was situated in Queensland, a
pleasant semitropical state of Australia. Initially there
was a nun named Yeshe Khadro and myself at the center. Shortly
after that Geshe Lodan and his translator Zasep Tulku arrived to start
teaching. I attended the teachings and helped manage the center.
I spent a total of 18 months in Australia.
It was
during this time that I worked on some of old habit patterns.
One never escapes from the past and I had to deal with my past at some
time. The western environment allowed old feelings to
surface, but the dharma center gave focus to help deal with
them. The outcome was the realization that spiritual practice
was of great importance to me and so in 1977 I returned to
India.
Ling Rinpoche was happy to see me
again and I was allowed to live with his household as we traveled to
several pilgrimage sites. Ling Rinpoche gave many
teachings on this trip. He was now 76 years old and I was
27. He always impressed me with his brilliance of
mind. Although he was in his 70's he never showed any
forgetfulness or lack of clarity when giving teachings.
This included both reading from a text and repeating from memory
interesting quotes and stories. His teaching sessions lasted on
average for 5 hours, 7 days a week. Sometimes he used to
take Sundays off and jokingly say it was in respect for the
Christians. He continued this style of teaching till 1983 and
only stopped just before his passing on Christmas day of that
year. It seems appropriate he died on Christmas day, as he
seemed to like marking the Christian holidays.
Preparations
for the Great Retreat
I asked Ling Rinpoche for permission to do a
great retreat of Vajra Bhairava during my stay in Bodha
Gaya. This takes about three years to
complete. It requires also doing nine preliminary
practices prior to the actual great retreat, and so really involves 5
years in total to complete properly. Rinpoche gave
permission to me to start this and we set a schedule for the teachings
and practices. I had already done the 100,000
prostrations, but Rinpoche wanted me to be successful so he encouraged
me to do them again. Bodha Gaya is considered the holiest
Buddhist site in the world and any practices done there are considered
to be of the highest merit. I started my prostrations
again but only completed 50,000 by the time it came to leave Bodha
Gaya in February. That seemed sufficient and I concluded
the prostrations with prayers of dedication for the success of my
retreat.
In Dharmsala, I took up residence at Tushita and
used a small retreat hut they offered me. It was Lama Yeshe’s
own A frame cabin on the land. I stayed there two years.
This time I did not take a vow of silence though. Instead
I attended some teachings by Geshe Dhargay at the library and worked
at my preliminary practices at other times. Most days I was in
seclusion, only 3 days per week did I walk to the library to see Geshe
Dhargay. Ling Rinpoche also gave me private initiations and
instruction on the Tantric practice I was doing. When 1980
came I had received the full commentaries twice for Vajra Bhairava,
once from Ling Rinpoche and once from Geshe Dhargay. I
also completed 100,000 mandala offerings, Vajrasattva mantras, Vajra
Daka fire ritual mantras, Guru mantras, Samaya Vajra's mantra, refuge
prayers and finally printed 100,000 pictures of Je Tsongkhapa.
This last practice, in case you are curious, required printing
with a large hand stamp on paper the image of a Buddha.
One prints the image while reciting a prayer to the Buddhas and
Bodhisattvas. A large stack of paper was amassed when the
100,000 images were made. Lama Yeshe placed these in a stupa at
a later date. Some people may consider this amount of
practice prior to even entering a strict retreat as too much
work. My teacher stressed that a good retreat needs much
preparation. This includes not only physical preparation
but also mental purification. There are many interferences
to doing a long retreat and so the purification practices remove
them. It also sets the practitioner up for speedier
realizations as they are well prepared by the
preliminaries.
It was 1979 when I started studying
astrology. My astrology instructor lived only a few minutes walk
from Tushita and so I went weekly and received a few hours
instruction. This lasted for a whole year. At first I
thought it might we a waste of time to study astrology, as I was in a
semi strict retreat preparing for my great retreat. What
motivated me to actually start the study was a dream. While I
was debating the pros and cons of studying astrology I dreamt of
hearing in the sky a huge clap of thunder in the sky. I took
this to mean that my studies would have some profound effect on the
future, so I approached Michael, my teacher, for classes.
Great Retreat
September of 1980 was the start of the
great retreat. A retreat such as this actually involves a
series of retreats. The initial retreat is focused on one
tantric deity and includes not only detailed visualization and prayer
but also the recitation of over 10 million mantras. It
takes about two years to complete and should be done in a strictly
secluded place.
I decided to leave Tushita and arrange for a
meditation hut higher on the side of the mountain. The hut I
wanted was about 7,000 feet up and well away from everyone but local
shepherds. There were a few other Tibetan meditators in
the area, all involved in retreats similar to my own. All
the huts on the mountain were spread out over a small area.
I
started with a vow of silence. I was not sure how I would
fair so I made it a period of only six months silence. The
only contact I would have was with a young Tibetan monk who would come
up every two weeks to deliver my food. I was lucky to have
that service offered to me. The boy's father was in
retreat on the mountain also and so the son accepted to carry my food
when he visited his father. The walk up from the town was
just under two hours.
I managed fairly well for the first
few months of retreat, being deeply involved in doing my meditations
and mantras. The first session would start about 2:30 or
3:00 am and continue until dawn. I normally dozed off
briefly at 5:30 and then at 6:00 got up and cooked
breakfast. To make the cooking time shorter during retreat
I organized a system. I cut the vegetables as the porridge
cooked. When the porridge was done I placed a big piece of
wood in the fire and put the vegetables on to cook. Beside
the pot of vegetables I set a pressure cooker with
soybeans. I ate my breakfast and then started my
meditations by 7:30. As the morning session progressed the
vegetables and soybeans cooked until the wood was gone. I
would go for a stretch mid morning, check the vegetables and then do
another session before lunch. Each session was two hours.
Lunch involved making a few pan breads as the vegetables
reheated. I put the soybeans together with the vegetables,
added a spoonful of miso to flavor it and ate this with two
breads. A little extra food was put aside for an evening
snack and that was all the cooking I had to do for the
day. This was the routine for the next 3 years.
Although some people may find my diet unbearable, I loved it and found
the simplicity enjoyable. I did on occasion have a piece
of bread with lots of peanut butter and a sweet tea in the afternoon,
but outside of that I had few luxuries.
The first four
months established this routine. When the 5th month
arrived, shortly after the snow melted, I had my first
visitor. It was Michael, my astrology teacher.
He dropped in unexpectedly to see how I was doing. It was
nice to see someone and I decided to talk to him. A vow of
silence seemed ridiculous when one was isolated to start
with. It was during this conversation that I realized I
was uptight and not communicating well. All the isolation
was taking its toll on me and I was nervous. I wanted to
come out of this retreat as a relaxed and comfortable individual, not
nervous and over sensitive. I had to maintain some form of
regular communication to accomplish that. I dropped the
vow of silence and every six weeks went for an afternoon walk and
visited someone.
These periodic walks were not easy, as the
retreat had some restrictions. The retreat required a
distinct boundary and going outside that area voided the
retreat. This area went from just below Tushita and Ling
Rinpoche's residence to anywhere up the mountain. I could
only visit people within these perimeters. I did not want
to be too lax and so I decided to choose one friend within the
boundary and have tea every 6th week. My astrology
teacher, Michael was now living about one mile west of my retreat hut
in a place called Dharmkot Hill. I decided he would be a good
person to visit. Six weeks later I casually walked over
after lunch and dropped in on Michael and his wife Anne.
They were delighted to see me and so it was set. Every six
weeks I took a holiday for three hours to have a tea
party. I knew this is not strictly within the retreat
guidelines, but I felt that it was an investment in my
sanity. The retreat continued like this for the next 2
years.
Aside from the social visits, I also saw Ling Rinpoche
periodically. This was acceptable to retreat rules and
very beneficial for me. Ling Rinpoche normally saw people
for a 5 to 10 minute interview. When I came to visit he
would allow me to stay for almost two hours. This was very
blissful. Ling Rinpoche was considered an enlightened being and
his special tutelary deity was Vajra Bhairava. It was like
being able to sit and chat with one’s meditation deity. I
soon learned that one does not talk about practice with the
teacher. If fact I had to learn to talk about anything but the
retreat. Periodically I was allowed to tell him dreams or
experiences, but generally we only talked about the weather and simple
things. It was a profound teaching, reinforcing the simple
proverb "chopping wood and carrying water" as the right way to live
one’s life.
The fall of 1982 arrived as I finished the first
section of the retreat. I had completed the proper number
of mantras and done my sessions according to the outlines.
Four Tantric college monks were invited to the hut and helped me
perform a fire ritual to conclude the retreat. They set up
a special earth platform for the fire and drew a mandala on
it. Firewood was placed on this mandala and special
ingredients were collected for feeding into the fire. The
ritual took the whole day and upon completion I had finished perfectly
the first part of a great retreat.
According to the
meditation outline, I could complete the retreat in a six
months. I decided to continue to work at my meditation, as
even two and a half years did not seem enough to stabilize a deep
transformation. Although there was a shift in attitude, it was
not a heart felt experience. I chose to move further up the
mountain and arranged to switch meditation huts with a monk who lived
one hour above my present hut. This monk normally lived in
his hut only during the summer because in the winter the mountain
became impassible. The monk’s main problem was a lack of money
for the food to weather the winter months. This was not a
problem for me and we agreed to switch huts. My hut did not
become inaccessible because of winter snow.
October of 1982
I moved to his hut and organized myself. It was much
smaller than my previous hut. The original hut had been
about 8 feet by 10 feet, whereas this was barely 6 feet by 7
feet. It was cozy and the view of the Kangra Valley was
breathtaking from 8,000 feet. I was totally cut off from
everyone here and no noise came from below. It was like
living in another dimension. I stored away my food and
started the second phase of retreat.
The winter descended
quickly and it was inspiring when the first snows came.
The tranquility was magnificent. Only once did I become
nervous at being so isolated. It happened when two Himalayan
black bears started to fight for a sleeping place. This was just
below my hut. It sounded like two 600 pound dogs roaring
at each other and I was in close range. After that brief
scare, I spent the next five months closed off from the world.
There is one funny story to tell during this time. One
day about mid December I was sitting on my favorite rock enjoying the
winter sun and looking out over the valley. Suddenly to my
right I heard someone calling out. It was a couple of
mountain climbers trekking through the snow. This was an
unbelievable feat as the snow was waist deep by then.
Their story of arriving there was interesting. They had gone for
a walk up the mountain paths and as they got higher they could see
smoke in the distance. They were intrigued that someone
would live so isolated in the mountains. I think they
thought it might be a Tibetan monk. To add to the
surprise, we were all Canadians. I gave them some tea and
cooked them a plate of rice and pumpkin curry. We chatted
for about an hour and then they left.
Later when I came back to
Canada in 1984 I found out they lived in Toronto. We had the
opportunity to get together to chat and laugh about that strange day
high in the Himalayans.
March of 1983 finally brought my
Tibetan helper to visit and bring me new supplies. It was good
to see him again. He had been worried I was safe. Shortly
after that the local Indian farmers also started traveling on the path
above my rock. Although I cannot say that I had a lot of
visitors, I did get one or two brief visits a week. The
remaining six months were spent doing the final small retreats that
were included within the great retreat. All the
requirements except the final fire rituals were done by October.
A great retreat requires doing an elaborate series of fire
rituals. I left the small mountain hut and returned to Tushita
Retreat Centre. They gave me a small room to live in and I
started these last rituals. Just at this time, Ling
Rinpoche suffered his first stroke. I was shocked by the
news. I managed to visit him once after that and he
congratulated my completion of the retreat. That was
important for me, as his words of encouragement meant a great
deal. He had become like my father.
His health
declined over several months with a series of small strokes until he
finally passed away on Christmas Day 1983. A few hours
before his death, 4 of his closest disciples came to the house.
The five of us talked quietly downstairs. At noon, his manager
came and told us Ling Rinpoche had died. It was curious
that we all came there spontaneously and were able to be close to this
man that meant so much to us.
Ling Rinpoche seldom
showed his enlightened capacity. At this time though, he did
perform one miracle. In Tibet it is common for great masters to
show their power of realization at the time of death. One way to
show this is to remain in meditation even after they have stopped
breathing. This may not seem overly profound, but there are more
details to this ability. As the Lama enters into this meditation
state, the body maintains its composure and color. There is no
breath, the person is dead, but the appearance of quietude remains for
several days. There is not even the smell of death. This
is called the meditation on the clear light of death. As long as
the Lama maintains this meditation, the body will remain pleasant to
view and be around.
Swami Yoganada is the only other
noted mystic who accomplished this feat in recent times. Swami
Yoganada died in California and people commented they could smell
roses when in the presence of his corpse. Ling Rinpoche stayed
in his meditation of the clear light of death for 13 days. At
the end of this time his head turned slightly and His Holiness the
Dalai Lama said Rinpoche’s consciousness had departed. In
respect for this profound feat and the exemplary life he had lived,
His Holiness asked for his body to be preserved. It now resides
in His Holiness’s residence in Dharmsala, India.
I only lived a
short time in Dharmsala after Ling Rinpoche’s passing. I
took a few minor teachings and then received a special audience with
His Holiness the Dalai Lama. He had periodically asked
after me during the retreat and in our audience he congratulated me
strongly for persevering for so long. I moved to Delhi and
arranged for my flight home.
Return to Canada
Over
the next 2 years after my return in 1984 I went through a long period
of cultural readjustment. I returned my ordination shortly
after returning to Canada. It is difficult to be an ordained
Buddhist monk in western culture. In Asia the culture supports
the person, in North America there is very little support. One
is more an oddity than a valued member of society. I was
married and had adopted 2 stepchildren by the 2nd year. My
wife, Maria, was a Buddhist whom had lived in India for seven
years. Much of my capacity to readjust successfully was
due to her kindness and help through these first difficult
years.
In the 3rd year, Maria and I
decided to establish a more stable meditation center. We looked
for some property that would suit our needs. To qualify for a
mortgage I took a regular job in a local hardware store.
Prior to that I held the idea that somehow I would find employment
suiting my skills. A local college had hired me as a part
time instructor for some of their courses. I also received
training as a hospital chaplain, but neither of these pursuits really
worked out. Although I received good evaluations as a
teacher, I had no degree and not really acceptable as a college
instructor. I enjoyed the training as a chaplain but again
could not find acceptance to work. The hospital saw it as
unacceptable to hire a Buddhist chaplain for a mostly Christian
society. The local hospital administer gave me an interview but
concluded it by not even shaking my hand. He seemed rather
uncomfortable with my being a Buddhist.
I finally
decided to take a regular job. I was hired by a local lumber and
hardware store in 1988. That qualified Maria and I for a
mortgage and we purchased one acre of land in Duncan. His
Holiness the Dalai Lama named the center Thubten Choling and it has
been functioning ever since.
I found my new employment
enjoyable meeting the public and became known as the Buddhist staff
member. I also managed to incorporate my Buddhist practice into
serving customers by saying, “May I help you?” Although no
one understood what I was really asking, it suited my Bodhisattva vow
to be of assistance to others. It does not matter if they only
got a screwdriver at this time, maybe later I would help them become
enlightened?
After the purchase of the property, His
Holiness the Dalai Lama also granted me a spiritual
advancement. He gave his full blessing for me to bestow
both initiations and teachings on all aspects of tantra. I look
at this as particularly a great step forward for all western
Buddhists. I am only one of many western practitioners who
are qualified to initiate and teach the tantras. His
Holiness’s permission opens the door for all westerners of the Tibetan
Tradition to transmit both Mahayana and Vajrayana
teachings. It is one of the final steps in the arrival of
Buddhism to North America.
At the
beginning of this brief autobiography my intention was to share some
stories with you. I have had an interesting life and by sharing
some of these events, maybe some serious practitioners may feel
inspired to do similar activities. I spent 7 of the 14
years I was a monk in retreat. That is not a lot of time
on the scale of one's whole life, but it is enough to satisfy me for a
little while. Nowadays with so many exciting things to do,
few people devote time and energy to inner transformation.
Although much can be done with daily practice, periodic sessions in
intensive contemplation are unequaled. I personally
recommend an individual stay with a practice that develops them
gradually each day. That is crucial. If each
day is not an enactment of one's beliefs, then even retreats will do
little to help. Regular practice and sincere retreat time
together help develop higher conscious awareness. This can translate
into an expression of love, compassion and sharing.
In 1994 I had the opportunity to leave the hardware store and
start Daka’s Buddhist Consulting. I had maintained my
astrological practice over the years in Canada. It was the fall
of 1994 while translating for Geshe Tashi Namgyal, a Tibetan lama from
Victoria, that I met a psychic named Kasandra. She was impressed
with my ability as a translator and then became aware I could do
astrology. She asked why was I not taking astrology to a
professional level? I initially felt uncertain this was
feasible. After some research, I was confident enough to change
my profession. I now work as a professional Buddhist
astrologer. I am able to continue with both teaching Buddhism
and helping people understand their astrology charts.
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