|
Compassion and loving-kindness are essential to our
happiness and spiritual development. The problems facing our
friends and families as well as those affecting our
environment and the world at large can all be helped by these
qualities.
The wider and deeper our compassion, the greater and
more effective its scope. Thus, if it is truly universal, we
are able to care for everyone and everything in the right way.
Our family lives become more meaningful and useful and, as our
own happiness increases, so more and more others become
happier also. Continued growth and expansion of compassion
will gradually transform the world for the better, leading to
less desire and hatred on a personal level; whilst between
nations and groups of people there will be less conflict and
fewer wars.
At present a measure of compassion exists in everyone.
No matter how selfish people are, they are often still able to
care for their parents, children, lovers or friends. Even
creatures habituated to killing, such as snakes and
crocodiles, maintain affection for their own young. However,
when compassion is restricted solely to an individual's
immediate family or species, it excludes many more beings than
it embraces and is very narrow compared with the limitless
compassion which we are all capable of generating. Whereas
some compassion is better than none, limitless compassion is
the best of all.
In the beginning, it is helpful to realise how we all
share the awakened state of mind as potential. However, it has
become obscured by ignorance and the accumulation of
negativity. Misunderstanding and unskilful actions similarly
prevent us from seeing and realising that potential. Removing
these obscurations and defilements, however, will enable us to
go beyond the illusion of separate existence and realise the
interdependence of all things. It will become evident that
when we harm others we are harming ourselves; and when we take
care of others, we are taking care of ourselves. When we are
able to see the awakened state of mind as potential in friend
and enemy alike we will have equal compassion for
everyone.
Essentially everyone wants happiness and the causes of
happiness, just as we do. Even those who create suffering for
themselves do so out of ignorance for no-one sincerely wants
to be unhappy. They just do not realise that it is virtue that
creates happiness and a happy state of mind which inspires us
to practise virtue.
First, then, it is necessary to distinguish between
wholesome and unwholesome activity. Once we have learned what
is right and what is wrong we can begin to apply this
knowledge skilfully in our daily lives. The chapter on right
conduct provides simple guidelines as to wholesome activity,
whilst cautioning against the unwholesome kind, and may be
summarised thus: doing good things creates happiness and its
causes; unwholesome activities only create further suffering.
Unless we can understand this distinction as a foundation for
the growth of compassion, we will create unhappiness for
ourselves and others whether or not we intend to do
so.
Although some people apparently enjoy making themselves
and others miserable, they are still in suffering. Often,
because of ignorance or habit, or both, they cannot help
themselves. A snake may not wish to poison a baby who is
playing in the grass but nonetheless does so out of fear and
ignorance, even though it's neither hungry nor in danger. For
a snake, poison is part of its way of life; for human beings
this need not be so. If someone annoys us or does something we
deplore, we may grow angry, yet to blame or wish to punish
them is not being compassionate at all. We have to learn to
avoid reacting harmfully or negatively to others and to guard
carefully against striking out at them as might an animal or a
snake. In this kind of situation compassion, not anger, is the
appropriate response.
To be unkind or selfish is easy for most of us; whilst
to be considerate and mindful of others is very difficult. In
order to increase our compassion and loving-kindness we try to
put ourselves in the place of others and see things from their
point of view. So we neither harm others nor do things to them
that we would not like to have done to us. Instead we should
always try to give others the happiness that we wish to have
ourselves. Ultimately there will be no difference between the
wish for their happiness and our own. In the social context we
can come to fit together like pieces in a jigsaw puzzle.
Clearly, to accomplish this we must have considerable
awareness of how other people feel.
Compassion and loving-kindness can be developed quite
straightforwardly, stage by stage, but this will not occur
without a great deal of patient effort on our part. The mind
has to be thoroughly trained before compassion can become deep
and strong enough to remain intact even when things are going
against us. Limitless loving-kindness is our aim.
Although it may be possible to imagine such a wholesome
state of mind, we are not there yet. At the moment simply to
look after ourselves and not cause harm or be a burden to
others may require considerable effort; but if we can
accomplish this much we have achieved something very
worthwhile. Then we have the right foundation for future
growth - for unless we have compassion for ourselves it's very
difficult to engender it for others.
To begin with, we must realise how all of us, without
exception, are suffering in some way. Rich or poor, gifted or
otherwise, we all have to endure the sufferings of birth,
old-age, sickness and death. Without liberation we are like
prisoners awaiting execution in a dungeon; there is nowhere to
run to and nowhere to hide from the inevitability of
impermanence and death. No-one wants to suffer and yet we all
do so in our various ways, equally unable to escape from that
suffering, no matter how hard we try.
Rich people still suffer despite their good fortune:
they may live in fear of losing their wealth, or be corrupted
by it, or it may lead to the destruction of friendship and
trust amongst those they care for. The poor may go hungry,
lack shelter, or worry constantly about providing for their
loved ones. Intelligent people suffer despite their abilities
or even because of them; whereas those less able find simple
problems beyond them.
Since all beings are in suffering, whether aware of it
and able to admit it or not, our aim is to exclude none of
them from the range of our compassion. Having fully realised
this, the next stage is to cultivate the strong wish that they
be freed from the causes of that suffering.
Limitless compassion is difficult to define but it may
be compared to the strength and depth of feeling that exists
between a mother and her child, being extended equally to all
beings everywhere.
When there are lots of children in a family, in the
mother's eyes it may tend to diminish the value of each; but
if there is only one child, she cares for it and protects it
so that it is happy and comes to no harm. Although there are
billions of suffering beings in the world, the ultimate aim is
to regard each one as our only child.
In Western society, the parent-child relationship is
more distant than in the East. The Western ideal is to give
children freedom and independence as soon as possible. Babies
are often bottle-fed. Young children sleep apart from their
mothers and are often given responsibility before they're
ready. They may be left alone while the parents go out to
work. Sometimes teenagers go out into the world too early and
have bad experiences. This searching for freedom too soon is
like house-martins jumping out of their nest too early and
then crashing to the ground. Such situations are commonplace
and are generally accepted as normal, but in many cases
children can even end up in institutions simply because they
have too much freedom too soon.
In many places in the East, however, families still
follow the tradition of working together and sleeping
together. Mothers share their milk as well as their food and
happiness with their children, and there is a great deal of
closeness, of security between them. Although less common in
the West, this kind of loving relationship does represent a
good example of deep compassion in action. In this context,
another way of developing compassion is to consider how we
would feel if our own mother were being tortured or harmed in
some way. We might feel, "If only she could be liberated from
that suffering." The aim is to engender the same depth of
feeling in regard to all beings, to wish fervently that they
all could be freed from their suffering. So at the beginning,
one practises loving-kindness towards those close to one, such
as one's mother, lover or close friend, and then the feeling
is expanded and extended to include all beings without
distinction.
This is not to say that human beings should be the sole
objects of our compassion. Animals also endure great
suffering. Many are slaughtered unnecessarily, often without
even the justification that they are needed to provide food.
Blood sports are practised all over the world; everywhere
animals are cruelly exploited by humans, hunted by other
animals, and yet still they have to find food and shelter for
themselves and their young. It is hard to imagine how a fish
feels when it's hooked and dragged from the water, or a fox
which is hunted to death, but we can be sure that we wouldn't
enjoy such experiences. When a single hair is pulled from our
head, we complain or cry out, yet sheep are roughly shorn even
during very cold weather. Although we cannot greatly influence
the way of the world in these respects, we can strive always
to be as kind, gentle and caring as possible towards all forms
of sentient life.
Reminding ourselves of how others suffer and mentally
putting ourselves in their place, will help awaken our
compassion and considerably extend its scope.
The next stage in the development of compassion is to
work to liberate all beings from their suffering. The
starting-point here is our own suffering, for unless we can
confront and deal with those situations which give pain and
discomfort to ourselves, we can acquire neither the confidence
nor skill necessary to be of much use to others.
In this respect it is important to realise that when we
perceive the world and our situation within it in terms of
violence or discomfort, then this is our creation - a
projection of our own inner negativity. Clearly it would be
useless to try to run away, with the intention of finding a
better world or some kind of heaven elsewhere. With correct
understanding, on the other hand, we can achieve a wholesome,
positive relationship with the phenomenal world, here and
now.
When our mind is pure, that purity illuminates whatever
we perceive, just as someone with good eyesight sees
everything clearly, as it is. Defective vision, however, makes
everything appear vague and imprecise, giving rise to
confusion and misunderstanding. It is useless to try and
change the object that is seen -it is the eyesight that has to
be improved. If we see negativity in other people, we must try
to develop compassion for them and, as our compassion and
insight increase, we will stop finding fault in them.
Correspondingly, their regard for us will improve, mutual
respect will develop and enmity will decrease
greatly.
At the moment we try to escape from painful situations,
but this achieves nothing. Instead of trying to abandon
suffering or pass it on to others, we must recognise its
usefulness as a means of developing our fellow-feeling and
inner strength.
It is important, however, to remind ourselves that we
are not looking for trouble. Quite often people say that
suffering is good and that in order to accomplish something
worthwhile we should punish ourselves, but this is a mistaken
attitude. If our experience presents us with misery or pain
then we accept it and use it as a means to develop, but we
don't go around actively looking for suffering. The aim is to
be flexible and to accept whatever comes our way. Neither
should we analyse or dwell too much on the causes of our
suffering, for this only magnifies and increases the pain.
Simple acceptance is the first step; then we can work with the
negative aspects of our experience and transform them into
positive ones.
At the same time we have to guard against the notion
that because we are practising compassion others must practise
it also. We simply get on with the work of developing
ourselves and, as our inner happiness and compassion grow,
many others will quite naturally become aware of the benefits
of what we're trying to achieve, and be inspired, in their own
good time, to follow our example.
The aim in developing loving-kindness and compassion is
for it to become impartial. We must come to understand that
being kind to our friends in preference to our enemies is not
the right way. Since a friend of one day can be an enemy the
next, and vice versa, we shouldn't take this idea in too solid
a way. As far as we can, we treat our enemies as amicably as
our friends and see everyone as someone to be kind
to.
Of course compassion that is really pure is never a
cause of suffering to anyone - like gold, it is immutable and
unalloyed. Until we have refined and perfected the practice of
compassion, however, we may unintentionally cause a little
suffering. Nevertheless we should still go on trying at all
times to be helpful.
No matter how many useful things we have learned and
taken to heart, the seed of compassion will not grow and
become fruitful unless it is exposed to the light of our
everyday experience. To study ways of relaxing and to have a
broad-minded, caring attitude is of little benefit so long as
we're tense and unkind in our daily lives. Were we to buy and
feed a 'riding-horse' without ever riding it, the horse could
become wild, unhappy and no use to anyone. A horse must be
ridden if it is ever to take us where we want to go. Similarly
compassion and loving-kindness have to become part of our
experience.
Further, the practice of compassion should not be
accompanied by any expectation of receiving something in
return. To regard one's practice of loving-kindness as some
kind of business transaction only reinforces the sense of ego
and separate self. Unselfish compassion, however, will expand
our horizon beyond the scope afforded by such an isolated,
impoverished view of reality and our place in it, so putting
us in touch with the essential unity which pervades
everything. The right attitude is neither to hope for success
nor to fear personal failure but simply, and humbly, to
proceed with the liberating effort to care for
everyone.
Throughout human history there have been many great
saints and masters whose lives were devoted to working hard
for the benefit of others. Their achievements were not based
on study, the ability to wage war, or on the accumulation of
material possessions but on their kindness to all beings. By
following their example we too can fulfil the promise of our
precious human birth and awaken that limitless compassion in
ourselves.
The compassion of the people around us now can also
inspire our efforts. There are many honest, sincere and
thoughtful people who, for example, send money, food and
clothing to families and children in need. When we concern
ourselves with the welfare of those less fortunate than
ourselves, without pride or desire for fame and recognition,
we too will have found the right way. Gradually, as we gain in
confidence and strength of purpose, our benevolence can come
to include everyone who is suffering - not least those for
whom no-one cares and who therefore are most in need of aid
and comfort.
This is particularly important in regard to those old
and sick people who, in Western society, are so often
neglected or put away in homes or institutions. It is quite
wrong that the elderly and infirm should be brushed aside like
this simply because they are 'in the way' or because they
require more care and attention than we feel we can afford.
Instead, wherever possible, we should provide that care and
support, that security and familiarity which can help them to
regard the approach of death as part of the continuity of life
- not as something separate, or alien to it.
Of course caring for the old, sick and unlikeable can
be very difficult. They often suffer from confusion and
irrationality as well as from physical pain and weakness, or
they may try to manipulate others in the matter of bequests
and legacies. Having enjoyed a greater degree of power and
control over their lives than in their old age, it is
understandable that they should still wish to influence others
by whatever means remain to them.
Although this kind of manipulation is undignified, we
should not think ill of those who practise it. In this, as in
all things regarding others, we try to put ourselves in their
place, to imagine how they must feel, neither condemning nor
passing any other kind of judgement. All the time we strive to
bring our own minds to maturity, learning from others'
mistakes as well as our own, always guided by that limitless
compassion which is not only the aim but also the path and the
goal.
Unless we understand the right motivation, the practice
of kindness and generosity to others could create obstacles.
The important thing to remember here is that whatever we are
able to give should be given freely, however much or little we
have. Reluctance to share one's happiness or possessions is to
misunderstand the meaning of compassion. A baby or young child
clings to a toy, fearful of losing it. We are like that when
we can only think about how to protect a possession and keep
it to ourselves. With this attitude, we devalue the possession
and no longer find it a source of joy. What we do need to
protect at all times is our compassionate motivation. The more
we give of ourselves, the stronger and more dependable this
will become.
The practice of compassion requires a great deal of
skill. For example, to give strong drink to an alcoholic, even
if they ask for it, is not being kind at all. Nor should we
try to force our help on others or interfere in situations
where we can do no good. If we see two people quarrelling, we
may think it compassionate to step between them and try to
stop the fight. But if this would make them angry with us and
we become angry too, then the confusion would only spread and
increase. Unless our compassion is deep enough so that we
remain in control of our own emotions, even in the midst of
anger and conflict, it would be better not to get involved at
all.
Therefore whilst always striving to be as helpful as
possible, we must guard against going beyond our stage of
development. It is no use giving away too much too soon and
having regrets and attachments afterwards; instead we are
mindful only to give as and when we're ready. Thus the growth
of compassion should be steady and gradual. Employing
patience, discretion, discrimination and common sense we are
able to relate carefully to each situation as it arises,
making sure that whatever we do, say or think will cause no
harm to anyone and will always be beneficial.
So far we have considered the benefits of
loving-kindness and compassion, the way to develop them and
how best to practise them. It must be stressed, however, that
although the stages of development and practice require
patience and careful application, it is never wise to delay
the actual awakening of one's compassion and the taming of
one's mind.
Generally people wish to enjoy life and be happy,
preferring never to think about dying. If we could find
worldly enjoyment that would last until the time of our death,
there would seem little cause to reconsider this attitude.
However, that kind of enjoyment more often lasts only for a
short time - a matter of years at the most. Money we
accumulate or invest can melt away like ice cream in the sun;
pleasure derived from food or clothing, or from other people's
ways of talking or acting, all of these things we cherish are
subject to change, so that today's joy and happiness so easily
become tomorrow's sorrow and sense of loss. Even during the
passage of a single day, a source of pleasure can turn to one
of unhappiness.
While there is nothing wrong with enjoying our lives,
we should never forget that everything is impermanent,
including ourselves, and that our time is far too precious to
waste. Although we can be sure that death will come, the time
and place of its occurrence is very uncertain. Since we can be
sure that at the time of death we would certainly give
everything we own for just one more day of life, we should not
put off for one moment the awakening of compassion. For when
we have to leave all else behind, it is the good we have done
that will give us the greatest peace and comfort.
So wherever and whenever we can, we should develop
compassion at once. If we leave it until tomorrow then we'll
no longer be able to relate so directly to the situation which
has inspired that compassion. We don't neglect our hunger and
thirst for twenty-four hours, we act immediately to satisfy
them. The practice of loving-kindness should be treated with
similar urgency, as a natural, spontaneous part of our
lives.
Remembering that we are going to die does not suggest
that we should live in fear and terror of death, for to become
hopeless and afraid would be of no use, and would prevent us
from enjoying life. Rather we should be inspired by the
inevitability of death to make the most of each precious
moment in order to cultivate our inner strength,
loving-kindness and compassion. Then, no matter when we are to
die, we will have done our best to make of our lives something
valuable and useful both for ourselves and for
others.
There is no way that we can give up death, but with
sufficient effort and the right motivation we can certainly
give up suffering. As long as our determination is strong
enough and our confidence does not fail, we have the means and
the power to neutralise the causes of suffering, to cut them
off at source. And if ever we doubt the value of our efforts,
we have only to look at our own experience and that of those
around us to realise just how worthwhile it is for everyone
that compassion should develop and flourish in the
world. | 
